I always wanted to be somebody,
but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I once thought I'd completely messed up my life... big time. That was true.
But my big messy life turned out to be some great and adventurous one. Who
would have though? My misadventures in this small world of ours has turned
my life upside down... These are my thoughts, feelings and mostly daily
rants that I need to share in order not to go crazy. Who am I? A French
expatriate in the UK - loves making new friends, beer but mostly Rock
Music... give it to me and I could die happy!
Alive, I certainly am. I know I kind of gave the impression that I'd given up blogging for the past year. It's not completely accurate though! I didn't give up; I merely took a well deserved break from the internet world. But I am back now and let me tell you something... it sure wasn't a quiet year! In between moving to the land of the rosbeaf and now, I managed to find some really good friends, go to an awards ceremony, have a freaky hair disaster, enroll on a Forensic Sciences course, be stalked by a complete nutter, decide that I didn't like this land that much after all and that I will be better off in a hot and sunny country and find not one but two diet-coke-guys. How about that?
In the middle of all that I still managed to find myself a decent job as a Technical specialist for one of the biggest Finance and Investment companies in the UK. So much for an exciting job! One would think that I'd learnt my lesson in the past and that I would go for a job that I actually like? Nope! Looks like I am stuck with this job for the time being, or at least until I decide to move my a** and finish studying for my forensic diploma. Honest to God, I can't even manage my own budget, let alone giving advice to perfect strangers about how to invest their money. Boy I hate my job! Hopefully, I will have my diploma by the end of the year and will then be able to apply for the police force. Fingers crossed, eh?!? Let me tell you, the longer I stay in this stupid job, the more I want to kill myself. I would never have thought that I would hate working with british women. They're bitchy, two-faced, immature and a bloody pain to work with on a daily basis. And I thought french people were rude... boy, they can start wearing their angels wings and fly straight to heaven.
But let me introduce you to the crowd:
Pammy* - she is the girl who fails to raise blondes' reputation, thinks that reading is for geeks, hates everything but shoes, clothes and cosmetics and believes that Shakespeare is the british Prada. Favourite thing to say: "Whatever", "I bought a new pair of shoes last week end" and "I'm skint, could you lend me some cash?"
Bloody Mary* - The typical woman going through menopause. Hates all young people, feels nostalgic about the past when she could sill wear high heels on a dance floor and hates her 4th husband. Favourite thing to say: "What???????" in a kind of snappy way, "You wouldn't understand, it's out of your time young lady", "Oh, youths nowadays...".
Queen of Bees* - Hates her life, her job, her husband, her body, and can only find happiness bossing people around. Favourite thing to say: "Why bother?", "you didn't do this right" and "I'm trying for a baby, but if I don't manage to get pregnant it's ok... I've got a new puppy".
Diet coke guy* - Lovely dark 'out of bed' hair, gorgeous dark blue eyes, fantastic six-pack, a to die for butt. Typical guy that turns heads and makes every woman in the office drool all over their new H&M top. Favourite thing to say: I wouldn't know as, like my felow co-workers, I am too busy drooling all over my keyboard and trying to find a way to kidnapp him. But other than that we do have nice conversations in the lift (somehow we always get stuck in the lift together. Must be destiny!).
I could go on forever about them but if I go down that road I'll end up sleeping in front of this computer and I need my 8-hour sleep if I want to look good for Diet Coke guy! That'd be the only reason to go to the office in the morning, right? Right??
Right, so I have been kinda lazy recently and "forgot" to post on the bloggie... *ahem*... I've actually been quite busy. Infact, I'm a damn busy bee at the moment... alright, big fat lie! I'm just really tired and everytime I get home I just can't find the courage to switch on the computer, log on to the internet and go through my endless list of bookmarks. Honest... I am THAT tired... *Zzzzzz*...
But anyway, I'm back now. And with fresh news too. Those who read my post about fashion disasters will be quite surprised to know that I am going all glittery. Yeap! Me - the anti-glitter-stripes-crocs person that I am - is attending an Award ceremony! Those who don't know me will probably think "Wawww... an award ceremony. How glam!". Truth is I don't even dare saying what's going through my mind right now. It's honestly not very nice to hear... understand "F*ck, f*ck, triple f*ck... @%$#"
The company is holding its own glam show this year and they expect us to dress up all glam for the event. As if I hadn't better things to do with my time. Got all stressed out last week end trying to find something suitable to wear to that kind of event... and in the end, found nothing as I don't fecking know what one's supposed to wear. Really... a**holes! And now we've got our manager purchasing black bowers and tiaras for everyone in the department. The world has gone totally bonkers, I swear! Worse... I've got no other choice than attending so that we can pick up a stupid award!
What's wrong with you people?!? Damn it... do you really think I've got nothing better to do? On a friday night? Nutters... I HAVE GOT A BLOODY LIFE!!!
I suppose no one's got an idea about what kind of top I hould wear by any chance? Make it cheap please... I ain't going overdraft for something I am going to wear once in my life then give to charity !!!
I think I might be going down with SBRWS. As a matter of fact, I clearly am infected as I have been feeling quite rubbish lately.
Severe Book Reading Withdrawl Syndrom is quite a nasty disease and pretty difficult to get rid of. Unfortunately, I wasn't vaccinated as a child. Worse, I got exposed to ever signle Virus in the region making me an easy victim as I got older. It's like carrying a target and shouting "Me, me... hit me... pleease! Me, me, me, me...". The bast**d!!!
Everyone one who knows me, is aware of just how much of a book worm I am. I'be got quite a thing for them actually. Call it a soft spot, fanatism or obsession... I call it love. For whatever reason, known only to fellow book worms (or library rat as the french like to call us!)... I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT A BOOK!
Honestly, I sometimes worry about my own sanity. I mean, come on, I find books far more interesting people. How feckin' wrong is that? But there is nothing I can do. I've tried, believe me, but I am completely and utterly addicted to reading. I do get the occasional "you and you damn books", but who cares? As long as they don't start kicking my a** it's fine with me. And why would they care anyway? I am merely entertaining myself.
The other day, Tee asked me why I never finished my books. "Huh", I replied. Turns out she thought the reason why I always had different books was because I didn't like reading. WRONG! I am just a fast reader, and by the time I get back to work the next day I am already on a new book... that simple.
So anyway, I do think I have SBRWS. I haven't picked a book in a whole week and this is seriously starting to get to me. Everytime I walk past a bookstore, the books start screaming "Buy me, buy me... come on, you know you want to!"
Pwarr, of course I do you damn fools; I just can't afford a book a day... if you see what I mean!?! But wait until I am a millionaire and I'll turn Waterstones into my own castle. Just wait and see...
Now, please bear with me while I go sniff my library for a bit of random knowledge!!!
As a child I was always very ambitious. I have always wanted to do lots of exciting jobs and no-one would understand the reasons why I'd pick it. They knew how I was like though and were aware that I could change my mind anytime. That was true... somehow!
In between wanting to be a Firewoman (age 5) and a Crime Scene Investigator (age 9), I had my "I-want-to-be-a-mega-Rockstar" time. And what a time that was for my poor family who had to put up with my very crap singing, my absolutely hilarious air-guitar playing and my ridiculous dance routines. I think they were too nice with me as I really thought I was good.
A year after deciding I would be a teenage millionaire (due to my wonderful singing voice, that is!), my God Mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas. At that very same same second my brain machinery starting working full speed (actually, I think it was way over the speed limit...).
"Think Katie, think!!!"
The conversation went a bit weird from here though. I think my God Mother wasn't expecting this request:
GM: "So, any ideas?" Me: "I'm thinking" GM: "Ok, shout when you find it... I'll be downstairs having a drink" Me: "Waiiit, you can't leave now... I'm thinkiiing" GM: "Well, you can think without me. You don't need 2 brains to know what you want for Christmas, do you?" Me: "Yes I do. Two brains means a bigger present. Everyone knows thaaat! I already know what I want for Christmas anyway..." GM: "... and you want?" Me: "You guess..." GM:"let me think... a doll?" Me: "Noo..." (this is the moment when I start mumbling that I am not a baby anymore) GM: "Right... a CD?" Me: "Uh huh... try harder"
Follows a very long chain of ideas to which my replies are always negative.
GM: "Listen young lady, I ain't got all day... you either tell me what you want or I'll make the choice for you." Me: "Riiight... okkk... *sighs*... I want a... *whispers*..." GM: "I didn't get that..." Me: "I want a *whispers again*..." GM: "For heaven's sake Katie... either you..." Me: "I want a piano!!!" GM: "Oooh, right... a piano, I see!"
But I don't think she was seeing at all. She was pulling such a weird face that I really thought she needed the loos. Turned out she was just thinking... and she said a big yes for my beautiful piano.
Now, just try to imagine how happy I was. I ran to the phone and called all my friends, then because I thought not enough people knew about just how lucky I was, I ran to the pub downstairs and starting pissing the hell out of all customers in there. That's how delighted I was. From that day on I officially became the Piano Girl!
Days passed in a blur and Christmas day finally arrived. I was waiting for the GM to show up with my present that day when she finally arrived carrying a small bag. She stepped inside to join everyone else and asked me to join her. But I really didn't want to join her, I wanted to see how strong the guys carrying my piano were. After a very very long time (being 10 minutes), I finally decided to join everyone and open my presents. And that's when the nightmare started...
GM sat in front of me and held a wrapped parcel in her hands. I looked at it, then at her, than at it again... "hang on, this can't be my present... I asked for a pianoo!, but then I thought that because she was such a nice person she got me an extra gift. How wrong I was... I slowly unwrapped the gift and to my horror I found this:
And this one looks wayyy nicer than the one I got. I just stood there, motionless. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. I honestly felt cheated. I mean, come on, what the hell was I supposed to do with such a... thing?!? I sure wasn't going to write the next Rock smashing Hit with this plastic thing. It's unbelievable how heartless adults are. No, honestly... I had this huge dream and all of a sudden it was ruined! I cried so much that day, just thinking of all the nice things I wasn't going to have. Now that I wasn't anywhere near to becoming a Rockstar, how the feck was I going to buy this giant heart-shaped lollypop? *sighs* ... and the worst? I became known as the Girl Without a Piano!!!
I got my revenge though. If I wasn't allowed to be a Rockstar then I would be a Worm collector. I filled a whole box with worms and put them in the living room so that everyone could admire them...
I am not sure they appreciated it though. And thinking back about it, I must confess that it was "slightly" gross... Oh well!
I am sorry but I've got to get it off my chest today. What is it with british fashion? Aren't these people supposed to be stylish or something? So what the heck is wrong with fashion this year. No, really. Can anyone tell me? Huh?
Oh, right, you might want a little explanation... alrighty. Grab a chair because this might hurt your eyes, cause dizziness and a possible migraine. Yes, it is that bad!!!
Crocs Shoes (yes, it's still actuality since my last post!)
The colors are just completely wrong... bright yellow, orange, green... eww! Mix it with clothes of an opposite color and it's a complete fright. What? No? Excuuse mee... bright orange crocs shoes and bright green jeans IS a complete fashion non sense. Besides, am I the only one thinking it looks like a pair of gardeners shoes with a crocodile face? No? Oh well, must be me then...
I thought about what could make me wear these shoes, and I could only come up with 6 possible reasons:
1) I am blind, therefore not able to know what I am wearing. Thus it wouldn't really be my fault.
2) I am dead and I have decided to come haunt you and give you the biggest scare ever. If I do that's because you deserved it...
3) It's Halloween - And I chose these shoes to scare the hell out of you.
4) I am officially insane, and in this case please either lock me up in an asylum or sue my legal representative because after all, if I am insane he is liable for what I am wearing.
5) I'm dying, thus number 2.
6) I've been kidnapped and I got a gun stuck to the back of my head. It's either the shoes or my head... please, pull the trigger!!!
Stripes
Another scary item of clothing. I nearly choke to death everytime I see any of these near me. Only a few people can get away with these really. Prisoners ( I can almost see the ball and chain attached to the ankle), musicians (think Sack Trick - these guys could get away with almost everything) and Holocaust survivors, but they didn't have a choice did they? Can't you think of all these innocent people dying because of a bloody dictator. All they wanted was to get rid of those clothes and be free again. And some mad people are actually trying to re-create the look. That's feckin' horrible!!! Quite a disturbing thought I tell you...
And you know what is even worse? You people think you look good in stripey shirts... they make people look bloody fat!
Alright, I might be pushing it to far this time, but the fact is... I hate them!!!
Glitter
Oh glitter... huh hum... where to start with this one?1?
WAKE-UP PLEOPLE!!! It's 2006, not the 70s... Disco's OVER, Done, Finito, KAPUT!!! Honestly guys, if I really wanted the sun in my eyes, I would go to a damn tanning center (and I can have a nice tan with this too).
It's ugly fashion, a definite NO-NO. It's far too tight, too flashy, too glittery, it scratches my god damn arm everythime you walk past me, and it makes me bliiind!!! And you know what it means? You know? Huh?
It means that'll probably start wearing CROCS! And you don't want to witness this.
Oh dear fashion god, this fashion disaster has made me dizzy... I think I might be going down with in-fashion-enza... if you're looking for me, I'll be hiding in a hole!
(Note to crocs-stripes-glitter users: please take no offence, it's barely you I am blaming. Clothes designers are the guilty party... they should be forced to chew their own shirts!)
Yes me dears, it is Saturday AGAIN! I feel like I've said that yesterday... time is flying by, isn't it? Worse... I didn't post a single entry in between these pictures. Pwarr... shame on me (Not - I've been really really busy... No really, it's true!)
Little Mark in Paris... I dunno if it's the beers, the cold weather or just that he is feeling really cosy in this bar, but he sure looks all dreamy! Nah, probably just wondering what beer he was going to have next... quite a hard task deciding when there are 3000 beers to choose from. Bless!
Nice comfortable duvet + Timmy the Pups returning from a visit to the vet + nice yummy food = Snoring puppy !!!
As a kiddo I always had big dreams, and I mean HUGE dreams... Today the top of the table, tomorrow THE WOORLDD!!! Mwaahahahahaha.... well, I still didn't get round to conquer it, but no doubt I will... someday! It's just a matter of time before Crocs shoes are banned from this planet, anyone seen wearing those shoes will be sentenced to a long and miserable life doing the worst thing in the world... cleaning my windows! Come on, I dare you!!!
Today I realised how bloody addicted I am to cigarettes. Damn Malboro... I think I have spent one of the worst days at the office so far and I don't even understand why as it's the same job with the same duties. Still I am in a hell of bad mood. Everytime the phone rings I just feel like grabbing it and throwing it against the dam wall. I hate phones; and I hate them even more now that my patience has vanished and all hell's breaking loose.
What a damn walking disaster I was today. And I feel so tired when I've slept like a real baby. I don't get that. Ain't I suposed to feel good and fresh now I've quit smoking or is just a big fat lie? I am still breathless when going up the stairs... stupid lungs!
I think this is all a massive conspiracy against smokers... quiting doesn't make you get your breath back, does not make you feel any fresh, my taste still isn't back and there's no different in my wallet WHATSOEVER! I am still as skint as a god damn rock... *sighs heavily*
Sunday, May 13, 2007
